“It’s so hard to find the place somewhere in the middle of the best and worst I’ve felt.”
Holy Moly!!! Was I in a bad mood today?? Don’t ask my boyfriend ’cause I’ll be very embarrassed with his answer! hehehe.. thank goodness he supports me and is a patient person!
I woke up throughout the night with a killing headache (so much for resting, huh?). When my alarm clock went off in the morning I wanted to smash that thing with a baseball bat. How is that for moody? (this is NOT like me — I am a morning person — imagine if I wasn’t! Gulp!). But I was focused to feel better: I did not feel the need for the salt water flush this morning so I didn’t do it. I put on my exercise clothes and decided to do some AM yoga.
The tiniest things became big problems: I was SO upset for not finding the remote control for the TV to put on the yoga DVD; I was SO upset with my cat and my dog for not allowing me to spread as much as I want on the floor (my cat always feels the need to be on top of me every time I’m doing yoga, and my dog needs to be laying right next to me not allowing me to move)… LOL.. it’s funny now, but not when it happened! The worst of it all was when I realized my AM yoga DVD box was missing and I was also missing a power yoga DVD. I called my boyfriend with the hope he would know the answer and since he didn’t I got SO upset with him! Really ridiculous, I know. But I guess these little things are a part of getting to know myself. Maybe I would have been totally fine with it if I was eating something sweet. And maybe this upsetting feeling would have gone away quicker if I put something in my mouth to ease the pain. So this was actually a “good” exercise…
Why did I get so upset over a DVD case that I thought my boyfriend lost? (he was the last one to do the AM yoga). I think this has to do with losing control over my things. Since I was little, I remember every time I would let someone borrow something from me it would be returned broken somehow, if it was returned at all. So I guess (I’m not sure of this yet) I created this shield around my things and I get very protective of things that matter to me. At the same time, I was thought by my mom and grandmother that we shouldn’t care about material things… So I feel guilty for feeling the way I feel sometimes… and I guess that’s when I eat! Bingo! Its sounds like a good possibility, but I’m not sure yet. I need to wait a longer time to find out for sure.
Something I forgot to mention on day #1 is that yesterday my dad called me after many months without talking to him. It was so nice to hear his voice. This time we actually got to talk: he asked me about my life, how everything was going for me, and also shared some things that were going on in his life. He also asked me for help in translating something for him, which made me feel useful… I KNOW my dad plays a big role in my emotional eating habits and I just need to figure out what exactly. What I know now is that I miss him. While I was on the phone with him my business line rang and I asked him to hold for me for a minute, but when I got back he was gone… I guess we got disconnected… My feelings at that exact moment was of abandonment and loneliness… I’m sure if I wasn’t doing the cleanse I would probably have eaten something bad for me — interesting, huh?
It’s so good to have these insights and get in touch with my unconscious being! This is the true way to find out about ourselves 🙂
But anyway, my headache started getting better throughout the course of the day and right now it’s almost gone. It helped that I was very busy at work today so I didn’t have time to feel bad about myself. Now I feel like I’m going to have a great night asleep and I really can’t wait to feel like a burrito between my dog, my cat, and my bf 🙂
I’m glad to have accomplished many things today and that the 2nd day of the cleanse is over. Got a lot to think about!
Great night, Everyone!
Love and Zzzzzz…
September 24th, 2013