“You are only destined to become one person – the person you decide to be.”
Yesterday was day 5 of my cleanse. I felt kind of down all day long for some reason.
Hungry? No. Tired? No. Sad? No. Happy? No.
Do you ever have days like the one I had yesterday? Where you just don’t feel very much at all?
All I did was get up, work, come back home, read, go to the grocery store to buy kale, and go to bed. I did feel very bored at night. I wanted to do something but my boyfriend had to work and ended up getting home pretty late and very tired so we didn’t end up doing anything. All I did was to read part of a book (great book, by the way) – by Geneen Roth: “Breaking Free from Emotional Eating” and watched some Brazil TV.
Trying to think of a reason why I felt blue all day only brought me to one conclusion: I don’t think I’m living a (almost) 31 years old life some times. Even though I don’t have kids I have so much responsibility and not much time to have fun. I need fun in my life. That’s it! I need to feel alive like a 30 year old who can go out on weekends – and week days too, if I have the energy! I want to dance, to laugh, to feel free!
Saying that just made me feel so good!! I need to feel free from my own self! It’s like I’m holding myself down without a reason…! Why???
I didn’t have much fun during my 20′s because I was taking care of someone during most of my free times. And now I feel like I need to live my life a little. So yes, I get frustrated, upset, and even grumpy. But I never really know why. I’m so glad I’m doing this cleanse and it’s helping me find out reasons underneath the surface of my emotions!
How do I get to accomplish “feeling free”? Let me think:
1) Stop worrying about things I have no control over:
Other people’s feelings aren’t mine. I can’t change them. I can’t please everyone. I am only in control of myself (at least that’s my goal). If someone isn’t happy with an opinion I have, that’s their problem. I mean well. I try to be a good person and I shouldn’t care if there’s someone who doesn’t like or approve of something I did/didn’t do. I know who I am and need to respect my own being, my own desires, my own life.
2) Setting up boundaries between work and home:
Being a business owner for me is like choosing to work 80 hours/week, if I can. I need to stop working so much. I put everyone in front of me, including my clients. I love my clients, but I need to love myself too. Some times I stay at work until 8, 8:30pm because a client can only make it later in the day. But that takes me away from my time to feel free… It’ like a roller-coaster: I end up working more -> more hours -> get home really late, really tired -> just want to relax -> don’t do what I want to do because I don’t have energy -> don’t live my life.
3) Having some “me” time:
This is really important to me and I haven’t had “me” time in a while. Let me explain: “Me” time doesn’t mean you are by yourself waiting for someone to do something with you, on limbo. No, it is just being happily by yourself and in peace.
I used to have a “me” time (I used to call it “Being Day”) once a month. On the last Sunday of every month I would just go somewhere in nature by myself to think, write, breathe and just be for 8 hours… Those 8 hours a month used to make such a big difference in my life. I need that back.
4) Still doing whatever I want to, even if that means doing it by myself:
This one is a challenge for me. Why? Because I tend to “feel bad” for other people way too much. For example, if I want to go out dancing but my friend wants to go bowling, it’s easy for me to say to myself: “It’s ok, I don’t really want to go out dancing all that much.” As usual, I always put everyone else before me and don’tlive the life I want.
5) Being positive — no matter what:
I am a very positive person but some people can drag me down. And I don’t like being down! I’ve been very depressed in the past and I want distance from that dark place! The way I got out of it was by being positive and practicing being positive on a daily basis — because it can take time and work when you are not used to it. But now I allow myself to be dragged down by some people; I lose the battle. It’s hard when you have a positive outlook on things and someone who has a negative one wants to convince you that the negative outlook is the truth. You don’t want to give in because you are being positive, but that person keeps dragging you down, and down, and down… it’s exhausting!! So I either have to remove myself before I get to that point, or I have to remove that person out of my life altogether. Is that fair enough?
Alright, so now I have much more to think about. This is exciting!
Cleanse-wise I feel fine. My only symptoms are skin breakouts. I have many more pimples on my face. Not too happy about that, but it’s not the end of the world cause I know it will get better soon.
Something that has made me doubt some of the feelings I’ve been having with the detox is that I got my period yesterday. So now I wonder if the feelings I was having prior to getting my period (moodiness, cravings, even the pimples!) have also to do with my period. That I won’t know, but just wanted to give you guys a heads up if you ever get to cleanse your body. But I’m also cleansing my soul, and having rocky feelings actually help me think things through when I’m calmer, the next day.
I hope you are well and enjoy this beautiful weekend!
If you are from the Hampton Roads area, don’t forget about the Neptune Festival and Art Show at the Virginia Beach boardwalk this weekend!
God bless you all,
September 28th, 2013