“The 12-step chocolate program: NEVER BE MORE THAN 12 STEPS AWAY FROM CHOCOLATE!”
Yesterday was day #6 of my cleanse.
Half of my day yesterday was still “cloudy” – probably because I was able to think things through and make sense while writing on my blog in the morning. When my boyfriend got home from work in the middle of the day, he saw me kind of blue and wanted to talk. My first reaction was to reject his help. “I don’t need his help… How is he gonna be able to help me? I just need to be quiet and own my own… I need some ‘me’ time.”
Yes, I got a little irritated with him because he can be a little persistent when he sees me down. He feels like he needs to bring me up because he knows that’s not like me (that’s a good thing, but when you are irritated you tend to see things in a negative way).
After rejecting his help so many times, I listened to him with open ears. At first I thought: “great, he wants to talk about himself”, but no, he was actually telling me how important I was to his life and how much he wanted to see me happy. It felt good to listen to the reasons he loves me. It made me feel important. Then he wanted me to tell him why I was feeling so blue so I told him. I told him everything I wrote on my blog the day before and it felt really good to be listened to because he is a big part of my life, and a lot of our life together influences my life too.
He looked deep into my eyes, he shared with me his dreams, and told me how important I am to him. I didn’t know I needed to hear that, but I did. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I caught myself vulnerable, which is something I don’t like to feel anymore, but need to allow myself to. Tony was there to love me, to listen to me. It’s ok to have my guards down. He wants my best… he just wants to love me! And I need to allow myself to be loved!
So yesterday, even though I had so much to do, including paying bills, studying, and working, I decided to take the day off to spend with him and to be loved. He took me on a date to The Hunt Farm on London Bridge Rd and it was so much fun 🙂 We took Zephyr there too and he was able to interact with other animals that aren’t dogs or cats. He was so excited! He was sniffing the goats, sheep, and almost got spit on by a lama! It was funny to see him try to figure out what those “creatures” were.
We also got to see the fresh produce from the farm that I appreciate so much, and I got to meet the owner who came to talk to us just because she saw Zephyr. She said she is also a Labrador Retriever breeder and showed me a lot of pictures of dogs from her phone. It was very neat, and I’m going to keep her information (she gave me her card) because I’m hoping some day I’ll be able to give workshops about supporting our local farms by buying local and organic produce, as well as the importance of buying organic foods, over there. (of course I can’t stop thinking about work, can I?).
We left the farm and he took me to Blockbuster to rent a movie I’ve been wanting to watch for a very long time (Brides Maids). That was really sweet of him — sweeter than chocolate, because I know how men don’t like to watch those types of movies! But he watched it with me and even laughed too!
Anyway, I had a very good day yesterday. I let myself be loved. I let myself rest. I gave myself what I needed and it felt good.
Being loved does taste better than chocolate… much better!
By living yesterday I was able to find out that I need to let my guards down some more and not let my past ruin my present. Being listened to is healing. Being stubborn sometimes isn’t. Everyone needs help.
I am very grateful for Tony and for his persistence to see me happy. 🙂
What about you? Do you allow yourself to be helped? Are your guards up or down? My guards have been up for a long time. I just hadn’t realized how heavy they were and how much weight I was having to hold!
Have a great day, everyone. Be blessed!