“But life inevitably throws us curve balls, unexpected circumstances that reminds us to expect the unexpected. I’ve come to understand these curve balls are the beautiful unfolding of both karma and current.” – Carre Otis
Yesterday was day 9 of my emotional eating cleanse. I had a great day. Was feeling happy and positive. I had to work but also had a “break” in the middle of the day to bring my car over to Beach Ford for an oil change… my car was 1,000 miles over the limit already :/
I took with me Zephyr (of course), my book, and my lemon/maple syrup/cayenne pepper juice bottle. While I was waiting for my car (which took forever) I had the option to read my book or watch one of those TV Word Games that was on Beach Ford’s TV. Everyone in the waiting room was watching TV and trying to figure out the words before the participants on TV. It was actually really cool to watch. So I finished drinking my juice, had Zephyr walk around to greet the people who wanted to say hello to him, and picked a seat facing the TV.
Let me tell you… it felt SO GOOD to do nothing!! I mean, it would have been nice to read my book, but it felt nice to even think at that moment that I didn’t HAVE to do anything. So I put my book back into my purse and watched TV with about 12 strangers while we waited for our cars to be ready. A whole bunch of strangers interacting like if we knew one another for years. That was so nice! This is something that happens in Brazil constantly; it’s a part of our culture there, and one of the only things that I really miss, besides my family and friends, of course. So I guess I was able to be in Brazil for about 1 hour and 40 minutes while at Beach Ford on Virginia Beach Blvd! Hehehe!
While waiting for my car I also got to text my mom and my older brother back and forth and that was really nice as well. 🙂 My brother said exactly what I suspected he would, and I started laughing to myself. But he also said that we need to at least text more from here on out. So that was nice and made my heart open up a BIG smile. My mom was right: he does miss me.
For the last 20 minutes I was there I went outside with Zephyr and as he looked for sticks to chew on I sat down in the sun and thought about how interesting it is that some people don’t care to show their love for someone as much as others. Trust me, I understand about not wanting to be vulnerable and all of that, but some people grow this huge wall in front of them and don’ allow anyone to come in. Why is it so hard for some people to look in a friend’s eyes and tell them “I love you”. It’s been so long since I’ve even seen parents and their kids say it to each other… Everyone knows it’s already “expected” for you to feel this way, sowhy not go all in and love them up with sincere words and hugs, gestures and a deep look in the eyes? I think the world would be such a happier place if people would express their feelings of love more than they do now. Now people just care about sharing the bad stuff, the difficult, the challenges, the bad news. I’m sure if you heard a sincere “I love you” from everyone who appreciates and truly loves you every day, your life would be so much better, don’t you think? Well, mine would.
And that’s why it felt good to hear my older brother tell me he loves me. It had been a while. I had a hole in my heart that only my brother could fill in, which he did, even though I needed to ask him to — but THAT’S OK! 🙂
From there I went straight back to work. Was I feeling great or what? Absolutely! But then something started to bother me… my stomach. All of the sudden I felt like someone was squeezing my stomach as if they were trying to strangle someone’s neck (not that have done that, but I’ve seen it in movies..hehehe). Yes, that hard! It was so painful… I thought maybe I needed to drink more of my juice, but the juice only made it worse… I was hungry. I asked my inner self: What do you want? How can I emotionally satisfy you right now? Nothing came up. My body’s hunger was physical. I needed food. To continue the master cleanse would mean to deprive myself; to hurt myself. To end it would mean feeling like a failure to myself and to the followers of my blog.
So I decided to log on my blog from a real computer (I always log on from my iPad) so that I could see how many people are actually following me, because if I only had my boyfriend and a friend following me, I wouldn’t have to deal with that much pressure. But no… For my surprise I had 304 followers already!! Wow!! I was (and still am) so surprised! This is awesome.
So I need to tell you guys the truth without feeling like a failure: Last night I stopped doing the Master Cleanse for my body’s sake. This whole 30-day cleanse is about finding out about myself and why I emotionally eat, not about hurting myself. I am sure the people who have tried doing different things for their health feel a little bit like me: my gut told me I should have done the Master Cleanse, but my body can’t take it. It’s like you want to go for a run but your arthritic knees won’t allow you to.
I am not going to feel like a failure. Instead, I am going to use this opportunity to show you how to deal with it. Acceptance. Accept your reality and be ok with it. This is my reality right now. Live in the now! Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel better and do it for a day or two. But today I can’t, and that’s fine! 🙂
And let me tell you: it felt so good to listen to my body last night!
This is what I am going to do from now on (apparently it took me 9 days to figure this out): I am going to listen to my body. If my hungry, I eat. If I’m not, I don’t. If I’m hungry I’ll find out what I’m hungry for, and eat what my body is asking me to eat. I think this exercise will be much more liberating and will make me grow much more too, both inside and out.
I want you to realize that if you are an emotional eater like me, things like these will happen to you on a regular basis. One day you will wake up feeling that you just had the Best plan for yourself, but the next day that plan won’t fit into your life. Don’t beat yourself down about it. Don’t feel like a failure. Trust yourself and your feelings, but above all: put your health first by respecting yourself.
We are incredible and perfect creatures made by God (or whatever you may want to call your Higher Power) and if we really listen to ourselves we won’t and can’t go wrong! I believe our duty in this world’s dimension is to learn and share with others what we know with an open heart… and with unconditional love.
I hope you have a great and inspiring day today and always!
Eminent Health – Choose To Be Healthy